Read this and then read the comments below the fic, which were very enlightening and obviously people who had taken the time to go through the fic line by line. So I won't do that. Below are some comments that I have - just to point out that I really did love this fic, and I'm being a bit more critical because you asked me to =P So.
The general impression that I got from this fic was it was "excerpts." It felt like someone had gone through hide's journal and pulled little two or three paragraph excerpts from it and formed it into a mini-diary of sorts. The good about that is that all your description was so vivid and in the moment. I liked the time and date labels, which were almost clinically detached. The fic itself is so filled with emotion that I think that those section headers are a nice touch, to pull the reader away and give them a break. The bad about your format was that I felt that it made the fic rather choppy. I would be almost getting into one section and then it would abruptly end and segue into another.
I wasn't sure what this fic was highlighting exactly - was it focusing on hide's relationship with Yoshiki? Was it chronicling the making and breaking of a friendship? Was it simply leading up to the events of what made hide die? Again, your descriptions are brilliant and hide and Yoshiki and Luna Sea and the rest of X are superbly done, but I didn't feel as connected to them as I thought I could have. I especially think that as a fic about a member of a band as tightly knit as X was, the other members didn't appear nearly as much as I thought they would.
I LOVED the inclusion of Luna Sea. Enough said.
Overall, a really great piece of work that could be simply fantastic in your next draft, if you decide to do one. (I know for most of my fanfic I just leave them in first draft format, because by the time I get around to editing I'm already moving on to the next fic XD. But I know some people love to edit and edit.)
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2007-01-26 07:19 pm (UTC)The general impression that I got from this fic was it was "excerpts." It felt like someone had gone through hide's journal and pulled little two or three paragraph excerpts from it and formed it into a mini-diary of sorts. The good about that is that all your description was so vivid and in the moment. I liked the time and date labels, which were almost clinically detached. The fic itself is so filled with emotion that I think that those section headers are a nice touch, to pull the reader away and give them a break. The bad about your format was that I felt that it made the fic rather choppy. I would be almost getting into one section and then it would abruptly end and segue into another.
I wasn't sure what this fic was highlighting exactly - was it focusing on hide's relationship with Yoshiki? Was it chronicling the making and breaking of a friendship? Was it simply leading up to the events of what made hide die? Again, your descriptions are brilliant and hide and Yoshiki and Luna Sea and the rest of X are superbly done, but I didn't feel as connected to them as I thought I could have. I especially think that as a fic about a member of a band as tightly knit as X was, the other members didn't appear nearly as much as I thought they would.
I LOVED the inclusion of Luna Sea. Enough said.
Overall, a really great piece of work that could be simply fantastic in your next draft, if you decide to do one. (I know for most of my fanfic I just leave them in first draft format, because by the time I get around to editing I'm already moving on to the next fic XD. But I know some people love to edit and edit.)