Okay, so first off, I don't think I can not be biased about this fic, so I'm not sure how much concrit I can offer. The reviewer above did raise a very good point RE working with simpler sentences to greater effect. Yes, a good point. Oh and there were one or two typos that'd slipped through. And for some reason I get disoriented by hide with a capital, although I can understand its use.
But...wow, X fic...fucking awesome X fic. (Like I said, *can't detach* :P) And god, parts of this were really painful, I don't even want to read anything else now, I just want to let this sit in my head working over (er, like I have the last few hours).
hide...I feel a bit like this pulls his image inside out and shows us strictly the painful parts...I feel that a bit. Like...he's always so bright but this is just ouchy. I'm not saying this as an objection to the characterisation though, because it still feels so much like him...like BAM, HIDE DESHITA. The alcohol, the drugs - everything about that just seemed so damn realistic to me...and the gratifying thing was the extent of the realism; not just that there were drugs and alcohol but the careful portrayal of their effect. The way it led towards the end, the sharpness of the descent, it all seemed so damn plausible.
And LS...the part Sugi played was very realistic (although I can't help but remember how J and hide were infamous drinking buddies...). And...LS!!!111!!!!! [/fangirl]
The fact of it was very, very nicely done, and I really love fics that interweave like this (hm, I don't even know why I've made this comment anon, I think it's pretty obvious who I am XP). I mean, I feel that really, fanfiction is mostly a test of whether you can get it, just from the image and the fractured images and the rumours and the masks...and this really seemed to achieve that.
Most painful...just hide and Yoshiki...you really tugged at the reader...I just wanted it to end alright, but somehow knew it wouldn't. The storm...I'm not a terribly visual reader but I was seeing it... Yoshiki...half-perfectionist, the stern forceful leader and then playful - and yet I had no trouble seeing Yoshiki the whole way...the roots of his ambition and the way he avoids really dealing with hide, sort of avoids resolution....the contrary opinions of him and hide about their own existence...and their closeness.... What is my point? Er...it just felt so real... A very careful speculation/character study of hide...maybe not "this is completely hide!111!!" but "this is very, very plausible" and yeah....I love you♥~chuu~.
I was just completely drawn in.
Okay...now I'm going to dartboard...and try to not say 100%!!!!!!!!!!!!
BLUE: 32/35 Episodic - had to sort of readjust and remember what happened when IRL when moving from section to section so the flow was a little interrupted by this. Grammar and spelling = fine.
RED: 34/35 It had me the whole way through. Not many things do that. (Whether I should be judging it as such...well, I don't mind if someone challenges me on this point because I'm too "X FIC X FIC *brain dead*".)
YELLOW: 28/30 Hopefully I've explained this above...
PERSONAL +12 (with subtractions for a little bit of stiltedness...) ...*nods sagely* (hey, seriously though!!!!)
no subject
But...wow, X fic...fucking awesome X fic. (Like I said, *can't detach* :P) And god, parts of this were really painful, I don't even want to read anything else now, I just want to let this sit in my head working over (er, like I have the last few hours).
hide...I feel a bit like this pulls his image inside out and shows us strictly the painful parts...I feel that a bit. Like...he's always so bright but this is just ouchy. I'm not saying this as an objection to the characterisation though, because it still feels so much like him...like BAM, HIDE DESHITA. The alcohol, the drugs - everything about that just seemed so damn realistic to me...and the gratifying thing was the extent of the realism; not just that there were drugs and alcohol but the careful portrayal of their effect. The way it led towards the end, the sharpness of the descent, it all seemed so damn plausible.
And LS...the part Sugi played was very realistic (although I can't help but remember how J and hide were infamous drinking buddies...). And...LS!!!111!!!!! [/fangirl]
The fact of it was very, very nicely done, and I really love fics that interweave like this (hm, I don't even know why I've made this comment anon, I think it's pretty obvious who I am XP). I mean, I feel that really, fanfiction is mostly a test of whether you can get it, just from the image and the fractured images and the rumours and the masks...and this really seemed to achieve that.
Most painful...just hide and Yoshiki...you really tugged at the reader...I just wanted it to end alright, but somehow knew it wouldn't. The storm...I'm not a terribly visual reader but I was seeing it... Yoshiki...half-perfectionist, the stern forceful leader and then playful - and yet I had no trouble seeing Yoshiki the whole way...the roots of his ambition and the way he avoids really dealing with hide, sort of avoids resolution....the contrary opinions of him and hide about their own existence...and their closeness....
What is my point? Er...it just felt so real...
A very careful speculation/character study of hide...maybe not "this is completely hide!111!!" but "this is very, very plausible" and yeah....I love you♥~chuu~.
I was just completely drawn in.
Okay...now I'm going to dartboard...and try to not say 100%!!!!!!!!!!!!
BLUE: 32/35
Episodic - had to sort of readjust and remember what happened when IRL when moving from section to section so the flow was a little interrupted by this. Grammar and spelling = fine.
RED: 34/35
It had me the whole way through. Not many things do that. (Whether I should be judging it as such...well, I don't mind if someone challenges me on this point because I'm too "X FIC X FIC *brain dead*".)
YELLOW: 28/30
Hopefully I've explained this above...
PERSONAL
+12 (with subtractions for a little bit of stiltedness...)
...*nods sagely* (hey, seriously though!!!!)