I'm afraid that if I had read it more closely, I might have quit entirely. ^^;; I'm sorry, but the dialogue wasn't interesting, the actions weren't interesting, and so there was nothing to hold my attention and motivate me to continue reading. If you tighten it up to about half the length, and/or give the dialogue a good shot of wit, then it could be good, or at least not dull.
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2007-01-15 09:09 pm (UTC)