Dart 1/Blue: 30/35 Mechanics and Style: Competent, but zero tolerance for typos: hs mouth finding it difficult to form proper words.
Dart 2/Red: 34/35 Storytelling and Effectiveness / How well does the fic fulfil the prompt? This was written almost too closely to the prompt, but the writing was competent, the characters dynamic enough, and the pacing fit both the prompt and the character development. The fic structure, fracturing at the end, serves to reinforce Yasuno`s development, as his tension and inhibitions are also shattered. No, the sequence of action does not stand up well outside of the prompt, but the characterization of the protagonist (Yasuno) does.
Dart 3/Yellow: 25/30 Characterization and Dialogue: The dialogue is not organic, especially the girlfriend`s tirade-by-numbers. While the drinking pushes the other three members into routine behavior patterns - drunken all-over-each-other-ness and confused depression - it is a wonderful catalyst to break Yasuno`s tension. He is so passive he is almost apathetic, until it boils over into physical action. There are both subtle and blatant suggestions of alternative sexuality throughout the fic; the thing that doesn`t make sense is the implied history with Miyavi. Yasuno could`ve turned to any anonymous male figure at the end - hey, he`s still trashed, too - and that would`ve made more sense.
Bonus: +1 for Yuura`s nonchalant "Some weekend, huh?" adding a bit of Kra flavor. +1 for the structure of the fic reflecting the direction of Yasuno`s development.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-01-15 10:47 am (UTC)Mechanics and Style: Competent, but zero tolerance for typos: hs mouth finding it difficult to form proper words.
Dart 2/Red: 34/35
Storytelling and Effectiveness / How well does the fic fulfil the prompt? This was written almost too closely to the prompt, but the writing was competent, the characters dynamic enough, and the pacing fit both the prompt and the character development. The fic structure, fracturing at the end, serves to reinforce Yasuno`s development, as his tension and inhibitions are also shattered. No, the sequence of action does not stand up well outside of the prompt, but the characterization of the protagonist (Yasuno) does.
Dart 3/Yellow: 25/30
Characterization and Dialogue: The dialogue is not organic, especially the girlfriend`s tirade-by-numbers. While the drinking pushes the other three members into routine behavior patterns - drunken all-over-each-other-ness and confused depression - it is a wonderful catalyst to break Yasuno`s tension. He is so passive he is almost apathetic, until it boils over into physical action. There are both subtle and blatant suggestions of alternative sexuality throughout the fic; the thing that doesn`t make sense is the implied history with Miyavi. Yasuno could`ve turned to any anonymous male figure at the end - hey, he`s still trashed, too - and that would`ve made more sense.
Bonus:
+1 for Yuura`s nonchalant "Some weekend, huh?" adding a bit of Kra flavor.
+1 for the structure of the fic reflecting the direction of Yasuno`s development.