I know you'd like a detailed comment on this. So. I'll... try. I can't promise anything, though. *loser*
He imagines the beat of his heart is roughened to a static tremble through the black lace of his bodice, and slumps forward, blurring into the beat of the night’s club.
That was the first sentence that really made me pause. I love the imagery and the... how do you say that? Association of ideas? The way he goes from rigid-frigid to slumping-drunk is wonderfully smooth.
A dancer in white twirls beyond them, and Kaya watches for the instant her skirt stains amber through the glass. Her?
Hmm. That gave me a curious feeling. I love how I can connect to Kaya right from the start, even though I don't have such issues myself.
“Yeah.” Kaya licks his lips, swallows disappointment acrid as the heavy smoke, and follows.
That's so right there again. I feel really really bad for poor thing, and have this urge to hit Hora, even though he's just... what, being a typical male?
he only notices the clutter on his desk when the tea kettle whistles and he jumps.
This, and that whole paragraph, is so... disturbed and fragile. *involuntarily shudder* I can almost taste his insecurity and confusion.
Breath catches in his throat, or maybe a wish, its wings of emotion folding sharp to prick his voice raw for the thousandth time.
Hurrrts.
More pressure, rolling up with the heel of his palm, and his knees buckle from the unexpectedness of the sensation.
Oh my... when did we get to the sexy business? It should have been abrupt, but it wasn't since we progressed from breathless panic to another kind of breathlessness.
Everything is forgiven here and he shakes his head, turns his head further into the crook of his elbow and struggles for breath.
This sentence made me want to scream YES IT IS. *bites down on lower lip desperately*
Once more, with just the side of his hand, he angles slow down the groove of his hip, in, and her whole body jolts.
That first her brought me such a huge sense of relief... *wide-eyed*
He swallows, turns on the water, and reaches for his toothbrush.
... I just want to curl up and cry. I think you would have given me gender issues if I didn't already have boobies. *clutches at the protectively*
Kaya is my new tragic hero. Heroine. Whatever. *confused* I can't even imagine how could I live with myself the way he/she does. It's incredibly cruel and I think you managed to get that across brilliantly.
Now I'm really curious about Hora and his real feelings about this.
Aaand... I know you wanted me to poke at something, but I seriously can't. (Let's say I'm easily pleased, if that helps. xD;)
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2007-01-18 08:56 pm (UTC)I know you'd like a detailed comment on this. So. I'll... try. I can't promise anything, though. *loser*
He imagines the beat of his heart is roughened to a static tremble through the black lace of his bodice, and slumps forward, blurring into the beat of the night’s club.
That was the first sentence that really made me pause. I love the imagery and the... how do you say that? Association of ideas? The way he goes from rigid-frigid to slumping-drunk is wonderfully smooth.
A dancer in white twirls beyond them, and Kaya watches for the instant her skirt stains amber through the glass. Her?
Hmm. That gave me a curious feeling. I love how I can connect to Kaya right from the start, even though I don't have such issues myself.
“Yeah.” Kaya licks his lips, swallows disappointment acrid as the heavy smoke, and follows.
That's so right there again. I feel really really bad for poor thing, and have this urge to hit Hora, even though he's just... what, being a typical male?
he only notices the clutter on his desk when the tea kettle whistles and he jumps.
This, and that whole paragraph, is so... disturbed and fragile. *involuntarily shudder* I can almost taste his insecurity and confusion.
Breath catches in his throat, or maybe a wish, its wings of emotion folding sharp to prick his voice raw for the thousandth time.
Hurrrts.
More pressure, rolling up with the heel of his palm, and his knees buckle from the unexpectedness of the sensation.
Oh my... when did we get to the sexy business? It should have been abrupt, but it wasn't since we progressed from breathless panic to another kind of breathlessness.
Everything is forgiven here and he shakes his head, turns his head further into the crook of his elbow and struggles for breath.
This sentence made me want to scream YES IT IS. *bites down on lower lip desperately*
Once more, with just the side of his hand, he angles slow down the groove of his hip, in, and her whole body jolts.
That first her brought me such a huge sense of relief... *wide-eyed*
He swallows, turns on the water, and reaches for his toothbrush.
... I just want to curl up and cry. I think you would have given me gender issues if I didn't already have boobies. *clutches at the protectively*
Kaya is my new tragic hero. Heroine. Whatever. *confused* I can't even imagine how could I live with myself the way he/she does. It's incredibly cruel and I think you managed to get that across brilliantly.
Now I'm really curious about Hora and his real feelings about this.
Aaand... I know you wanted me to poke at something, but I seriously can't. (Let's say I'm easily pleased, if that helps. xD;)