Dart 1 (Blue) ~~ worth up to 35 points. 35 Mechanics and style.
Dart 2 (Red) ~~ worth up to 35 points 32 Storytelling and effectiveness.
Dart 3 (Yellow) ~~ worth up to 30 points 25 Characterization, and dialogue if applicable.
Personal Board: +10
Others: This is a fic I'd never thought I'd see entered. And it's also a theme that doesn't carry much weight in v-kei fic generally, as it's either dealt with in a sort of fetish-y manner, or a I-hate-dresses-I'm-a-MAN-DAMNIT- sort of way. But this is a different sort of approach.
I have no impression of what Kaya and Hora are like so I'll be hard-pressed to say whether they are IC or OOC, but I like the way the gender thing brought up, with how the dress fits. And how Kaya acknowledges to himself that Hora may not/ won't understand (only to be surprised later on). But the reader does come to get it, because right smack in the middle of something the pronouns switch very fluidly (if you'll pardon the godawful pun!) -- and there they are. The most intense moment in the fic is experienced while being female -- and that works well when the fic winds down and I do feel as Kaya does the shock of being back in a male body. The disorientation.
It's a very sensual fic (in more ways that one -- each description is as much a part of the sensory pleasure as is Kaya's masturbation. ) What is very pleasing as much as it is a surprise is when Kaya discovers the sketch. That Hora in some way understands and partakes of his reality, which is really satisfying.
And above it... his own face, bare, as Hora’s only glimpsed over his shoulder in the bathroom mirror on mornings unembellished by light. Exactly that. Not only that it's the face not usually presented to the world, but also that this says many things about Hora, his being observant and his care ...
The interspersed quotes work well with the rest of the fic. It IS musical -- for that it is aptly titled. And also adorably titled? Like a sort of song for a ballet. Makes me think of little girls and sugar. But it's not a melancholy fic, so it's not an out-of-place title. The quotes are there in a sort of image-linking-to-image manner, which fits in well with this particular sort of writing that is so much about imagery, and the flow and taste of words. Fits in unobstrusively, but adds to it. What is nice is the snippet of lyrics that got worked into being the note. I feel like it helps because it's sort of like the knot that anchors the embroidery to the cloth, and makes them come together. If you pardon my terrible analogy. Otherwise they as might well be two parallel parts.
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timeasmymeasure
Dartboard
Date: 2007-01-07 01:52 pm (UTC)Mechanics and style.
Dart 2 (Red) ~~ worth up to 35 points 32
Storytelling and effectiveness.
Dart 3 (Yellow) ~~ worth up to 30 points 25
Characterization, and dialogue if applicable.
Personal Board: +10
Others:
This is a fic I'd never thought I'd see entered. And it's also a theme that doesn't carry much weight in v-kei fic generally, as it's either dealt with in a sort of fetish-y manner, or a I-hate-dresses-I'm-a-MAN-DAMNIT- sort of way. But this is a different sort of approach.
I have no impression of what Kaya and Hora are like so I'll be hard-pressed to say whether they are IC or OOC, but I like the way the gender thing brought up, with how the dress fits. And how Kaya acknowledges to himself that Hora may not/ won't understand (only to be surprised later on). But the reader does come to get it, because right smack in the middle of something the pronouns switch very fluidly (if you'll pardon the godawful pun!) -- and there they are. The most intense moment in the fic is experienced while being female -- and that works well when the fic winds down and I do feel as Kaya does the shock of being back in a male body. The disorientation.
It's a very sensual fic (in more ways that one -- each description is as much a part of the sensory pleasure as is Kaya's masturbation. ) What is very pleasing as much as it is a surprise is when Kaya discovers the sketch. That Hora in some way understands and partakes of his reality, which is really satisfying.
And above it... his own face, bare, as Hora’s only glimpsed over his shoulder in the bathroom mirror on mornings unembellished by light.
Exactly that. Not only that it's the face not usually presented to the world, but also that this says many things about Hora, his being observant and his care ...
The interspersed quotes work well with the rest of the fic. It IS musical -- for that it is aptly titled. And also adorably titled? Like a sort of song for a ballet. Makes me think of little girls and sugar. But it's not a melancholy fic, so it's not an out-of-place title. The quotes are there in a sort of image-linking-to-image manner, which fits in well with this particular sort of writing that is so much about imagery, and the flow and taste of words. Fits in unobstrusively, but adds to it. What is nice is the snippet of lyrics that got worked into being the note. I feel like it helps because it's sort of like the knot that anchors the embroidery to the cloth, and makes them come together. If you pardon my terrible analogy. Otherwise they as might well be two parallel parts.